Friday, January 24, 2014

Science Is A Drag

What do extraterrestrials, cross dressing, (not to be confused with cross dressing extraterrestrials), antigravity, The Gulf oil spill, free energy, 9/11, Fukushima, a messiah complex, and the Bermuda Triangle all have in common? If you guessed my anti-radiation ray gun wielding neighbors, the Hutchisons, then give yourself a pat on the back; you’re a loyal reader of Living in Kellie’s World.

I’ve already written ad nauseam about John Hutchison’s efforts to save humanity from the Fukushima reactor accident using a radiation neutralizing ray gun he built next to my vacation rental property, so today I am going to confine my remarks to John’s other proclivities. First up – cross dressing.

Living on the bleeding edge of pseudoscience and technology must be stressful. To relieve the burden, like Dennis Rodman and J. Edgar Hoover before him, John will occasionally, or frequently, slip into something a little more comfortable and assume the persona of CNN UFO reporter Karla Kniption (the K is not silent). He’s like Superman in reverse except he turns into Lois Lane instead of Clark Kent.

Before reading any further you must watch the video; it’s only 38 seconds long.



John’s been looking pretty haggard lately, as we all do with age, but I have admit that Karla looks fabulous. The blonde wig makes her look 10 years younger than him. And you have to admire those long, slender legs. The many years John spent in his anti-gravity lab obviously reduced the load on his thighs, keeping them lean and sexy. This is probably the best supporting evidence we have for the Hutchison Effect.

I'm not quite sure about his sense of style. He does have a flair for makeup; his lipstick matches his teddy perfectly. However, as my cousin Michele duly noted, someone needs to teach that man how to select appropriate footwear when rockin’ a teddy. 

What do you think he’s using for breasts? They don’t have the proper jiggle factor. In an effort to help, I Googled breasts for cross dressing. I was a little hesitant do so because I didn’t want that phrase in my NSA profile. At the top of the search results was a website called Absolutely Special Trade, located in Europe, of course, with a mind boggling selection of silicone breasts: Aphrodite Ultra, TransTorso, Classic Curved, Amolux Ruby (they’re velvety soft) and Classic Velcro (I was afraid to look at the velcro model so I can't give you the link). I was partial to the Amolux Ruby pair, you know, because of their softness. I can just imagine how they…Umm, never mind. I’ll have to continue my research later. I’m sure John could also find some suitable footwear there too. He should check out the red patent leather Peeptoe Pumps. They’d be bitchin’ with that flaming red teddy. 

I’ve spent too much time cross dressing–I mean writing about cross dressing–so I don’t have time deal with any of John's other interests right now. You can see more of Karla Kniption on her Facebook page. Now where’s that link to the fake boobie website?  I have to get back to my research.
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Other tales from the Hutchison Files:
My Neighbors Have Ray Guns
John Hutchison's Ray Guns Silenced (but not for long)
John Hutchison's Ray Guns Redux
A Problem of Biblical Proportions

I'm taking in a little weekend moonshine over at Yeah Write.



14 comments:

  1. Wow. Just wow. What makes him think those shoes work?
    ;)

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    Replies
    1. Some people have no fashion sense.

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  2. Gobsmacked. Can't form complete sentence.

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  3. I believe he has 'many personalities' Lord Admiral Nelson is one that has been reported though not sighted. Karla must have him under lock and key. Crazy just seems such an inadequate description!

    Hayward A.

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    Replies
    1. Maybe he'll start posting videos.

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  4. I just fell down a rabbit hole for a while catching up on the Hutchinsons. Wow--you should have a lot of write about for ages.

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    1. Rabbit hole is a term I've use before to describe how I feel about Hutchison's ray guns. I'm planning to use it in the title for a future post: Where The Rabbit Hole Ends.

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  5. This is totally amusing and a little disturbing. I can't wait to read some of your other posts. I don't know, yet, if you neighbors are just strange or if they are bad neighbors. I've had bad neighbors before. When we were selling our house, I would try to make sure they weren't around for showings.

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    Replies
    1. I don't think it's an either/or proposition.

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  6. I found that video more than a little disturbing. But live and let live,I guess?

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    1. I agree Bryan, live and let live. Now I just want him to turn off his ray gun and let us live in peace.

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  7. Hi Joe, wanted to let you know I thought you needed help with your NSA profile and Googled Commander Joe's recommendation for breasts for cross dressing.
    ;)

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    Replies
    1. Of course, I just had to Google that too, and after I did I realized that was your intent all along. Now the NSA thinks I'm a cross dressing sailor.

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