Monday, September 30, 2013

Less Housework, More Sex

Al Bundy, enticing his wife.
I never intended to mislead my readers, but apparently that's what I've done. In a previous post, The Secret To Having More Sex (With Your Wife), I told my fellow husbands that doing more housework would lead to more sex. It seems I was wrong – oops, sorry – but it wasn’t my fault. I was a victim of the self-serving, feminist propaganda machine that controls every major network and cable news outlet, all of whom ran stories claiming that the reward for helping with chores was more sex. Internet sites helped spread the lie too. The Huffington Post ran Why Housework Will Get You Some, and the communist website China Daily pressed their massive misinformation machine into service by publishing Men who do housework may get more sex.

Monday, September 16, 2013

Turn the Damn Lights Off

When I was a kid my father would yell at me and my siblings for leaving lights on everywhere.  We never appreciated why he got so annoyed. "When you pay the electric bill, then you'll understand," he'd bark in frustration. As with most things, dad was right. Now I'm the ranting father, chasing my kids and complaining about finding lights on in empty rooms. I know the situation is hopeless because teenagers have a congenital defect that  renders them incapable of turning off lights.

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

The True Cause of Global Warming

Since the mid 19th century, the average temperature of the Earth’s atmosphere has risen by 0.8 oC, with most of the temperature rise occurring in the last 30 years. The global warming environazis want us to believe that man’s industrial activities are the cause, but a relatively straightforward calculation proves that men are blameless. Full responsibility for an overheating globe lies squarely in the failing wombs of menopausal women.