Sunday, June 23, 2013

Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire

We know why she's smiling.
Next time you nuzzle up to your wife or girlfriend and she tells you that she's not in the mood, you can be confident of one thing—she's lying. Oh she's definitely horny, or she could be rather quickly. How do I know this? Thanks to groundbreaking research by sexologist Meredith Chivers, we now know that female sexual arousal can be achieved in under two minutes. Amazing, it takes me longer than that just find the vibrator.

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

The Real Problem With Marriage Equality

Photo Credit
I could feel the bile creeping up the back of my throat as I realized that Pat Robertson was right. Same-sex marriage will destroy the traditional family and lead to the disintegration of civilization, but not for the fellatious reasons he typically tries to ram down our throats. Homosexuality won't lead to polygamy, bestiality or pedophilia; it won't cause birth rates to plummet and populations to collapse, and I doubt that fire and sulfur will rain from the heavens and destroy us in a Sodom apocalypse. The real path to our demise is much more insidious.

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

A Vision Of Love

Kellie stepped out of the shower. I examined her naked body, smiled, and was about to pay her compliment when she cut me off.

"You want some of this, don't you?" she said as she slid her hands along the sides of her torso and wiggled her hips. "But you're not getting any today because it's my birthday, not yours."