Monday, April 23, 2012

Kellie's Cruise Husband

One of the things we like best about cruising is the opportunity to meet new people. During dinner, Kellie and I always request to share a table and we’ve made several new friends: John and Judy, from Canada; Mike and Barbara from Texas; Ron and Richard from Oregon; and the three traveling sisters, Joy, Toy, and Thelma from Missouri. 
At dinner one evening, Ron and Kellie were lamenting about how they don’t photograph well, so for laughs, they decided to pose together for a few portraits. There is always a photographer stationed right at entrance of each dining room, ready to take your picture, hoping that later you’ll shell out $25 for an 8x10 glossy.  The photographer assumed that Ron and Kellie were a couple and he asked Kellie to show off her wedding and engagement rings.  After we stopped laughing, Ron announced that he was Kellie’s cruise husband.
I see no problem with allowing my wife to have a secondary husband at sea, in fact, I’ve also found it quite useful ashore too, providing that the duties and responsibilities, as well as the benefits, are clearly defined.  In the past, such arrangements have allowed me to escape countless chick flicks and shopping excursions.
The real benefit of a cruise husband became obvious a little later on while we were participating in The Quest, a late night game in the ship’s lounge where the cruise director challenges teams of passengers to bring him random items or to perform certain acts. I had no problem with some of the tasks, such as delivering a sock with a hole in it, or surrendering my shirt to one of the women, but there are some things I will not do, such as taking off my shirt and pants, and donning a brazier and women’s underwear while wearing lipstick.  This is where I draw the line and where an auxiliary husband comes in very handy.  I flatly refused Kellie’s pleadings to execute this particular challenge, but she got Ron to acquiesce.  My decision was further vindicated (as if any further vindication is even necessary) when the cruise director had all the men so attired parade through the 300 or so assembled passengers to give everyone an opportunity to record video and take pictures.
I know that you would all like to see some snapshots, but what happens at sea, stays at sea, and I had to promise not to post any pictures to keep Ron from getting a quickie cruise divorce and saddling me full responsibility for entertaining Kellie.  Now if I could just get Kellie to let Ron take my place at those damn dance lessons.