Last week, Kellie and her friend, Liza, took Kyra (my daughter) and Jordan (Liza’s daughter) on one week mother-daughter cruise aboard the Carnival Splendor. I knew that without me around, Kellie would get hit on by everything with a pair of XY chromosomes. Sometimes, my presence doesn’t even deter other men from trying to approach her. Plus, once Kellie has a little alcohol in her, she tends to get a little flirty and she significantly reduces the amount of personal space between herself and whomever she’s speaking with, which can be misinterpreted as a signal that she’s expressing more than a casual interest in her interlocutor. Kellie doesn’t think that she gets flirty while drinking. According to her, it’s only flirting if there’s an intent to do something beyond talking, and since she has no such intent, she’s not flirting. I’m not sure I agree with her definition.
When they returned from the trip, Kyra, who is 15 years-old, ratted out her mother, “Mom got hit on – a lot,” Kyra told me. Kellie had already given me all the details before my daughter had said anything. More than half a dozen men made a pass at Kellie during her cruise, but three characters stood out.
Kellie’s first pursuer was police officer Joe, whom Kellie and Liza nicknamed SBF Joe, short for stalker boyfriend Joe, because no matter where they went on the ship, SBF Joe always seemed to be there too. SBF Joe, who was probably about 45, was traveling with a group of single police officers. One evening, SBF Joe and his friends found the girls at the ship’s piano bar. When Lisa announced that they were going to call it a night, SBF Joe told Liza that she could go but Kellie was going to hang with him. Liza laughed in Joe’s face and said, “No she’s not.” Kellie confirmed Liza’s pronouncement and they left Joe with his friends.
Her second courter was 22 year-old Hawaiian native Ohana Chad. She met Chad in the hot tub after a day of drinking in Cabo, an activity she continued by imbibing piña coladas while soaking in the hot tub. This scenario concerned me a little bit because I first met Kellie in a hot tub (but that’s a story for another post). At one point, Chad ordered shots for everyone, and after passing a drink to Kellie, he tried to slip his arm around her, to which her only response was, “Seriously! I thought we just having an Ohana moment” Chad was too drunk to be offended and he awkwardly backed away.
Kellie’s final suitor was MILF chaser Jeff, a 17 year-old who was traveling with his family. Kellie and Kyra met MILF chaser Jeff during a zip-lining excursion. Jeff told Kyra that he thought her mother was hot. After that, like with SBF Joe, MILF chaser Jeff always seemed to turn up wherever Kellie went. On one occasion, MILF chaser Jeff spotted Kellie as she was walking down the stairs. When MILF chaser Jeff inquired about where she was headed, Kellie told him that she was going back to her room. MILF chaser Jeff announced, “I’ll come with you.”
“I don’t think so,” Kellie responded. She was worried that he might try to follow her, but he took off with his friends. MILF chaser Jeff also tried to get my daughter to sit on his lap, I guess he was looking for some mother-daughter action, but she turned him down too.
Well, the trip was certainly great for Kellie’s ego, but she claims it only reinforced her notion that all men are pigs. When she got back, she told me that she missed cuddling with me and that I was still her favorite traveling companion (sorry Liza). Although I trust my wife, this was her last cruise without me.