Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Six Degrees of Senator Al Franken


Al Franken
I scanned the bookshelves in Annemiek's Paris apartment. No, I'm not cheating on Kellie. Annemiek is the French woman we exchanged homes with. She's currently in our house in Oceanside, California, critiquing the books in my library, no doubt. I wanted something to read, preferably in English, or with pictures, since I don't understand French. I couldn't find anything interesting so selected Al Franken's book Liars: And the Lying Liars Who Tell Them, one of three books in her collection by Franken. I was a little curious about Annemiek's Franken fetish. Why would a French woman be interested in an obscure American comedian turned senator of an even more obscure state? (I believe Minnesota is a state and not a Canadian Provence.) Franken is a liberal, and the French are almost communists. Liberals and communists are essentially the same thing, at least according to Rush Limbaugh, which might explain her fascination with the senator.

I decided to thumb through the other two Franken titles Annemiek owned: Oh, the Things I Know and I'm Good Enough, I'm Smart Enough, and Doggone It, People Like Me. Unlike the first book, these two were autographed by the author. They were addressed "To Owen" and signed "Love Al." I knew Annemiek had an ex-husband named Owen, but I couldn't understand why Franken would sign the books "Love Al" or why Annemiek would keep them.

I have a penchant for uncovering the story behind seemingly disparate facts, and I quickly constructed a likely scenario. Owen must have been Franken's gay Parisan lover, and their torrid affair ended Annemiek's marriage. She must have kept the books to blackmail a sitting U.S. Senator into supporting French efforts to have the United Nations declare 14 July International Croissant Day. This was the sort of scandal that you usually only find on Fox News, but I had the scoop. National recognition for my blog’s outstanding investigative journalism was inevitable. Did I hear somebody say Pulitzer?

I was day dreaming about my upcoming interviews on Fox & Friends and Face the Nation when Kellie called me to the living room. She was holding a picture frame. 

"Isn't the guy in this picture Al Franken?" she asked. 

Hoping for photographic evidence of Franken and his French lover, I grabbed the picture. Senator Franken appeared to be photobombing a picture of Annemiek’s extended family. Maybe she photoshopped him into the image, but that made no sense. Franken has the kind of face you photoshop out of a picture. I noticed that the guy standing next to Franken looked like a taller, older and better looking clone of the senator. I studied the image and started Googling. My hopes for fame evaporated when I discovered that Owen, Annemiek's ex-husband, was Al Franken's brother. The picture was just a Franken family photo.

There was still hope. Annemiek’s kids bore a striking resemblance to the senator. Did he have an affair with his brother's wife? Nah, that's just ridiculous.

At least I can brag to my friends that I slept in Senator Franken’s brother’s ex-wife’s Paris apartment. That sort of privilege has the kind of cachet that can really improve one's social standing.

Author's Note: To the best of my knowledge, Senator Al Franken is not gay and has never had an affair with his brother's wife, Fox News lies and Rush Limbaugh is fat. 
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43 comments:

  1. Gee, the truth is kind of boring. I like your version better.

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    1. The truth is boring, but I chuckled all day after figuring it out.

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  2. You exchanged homes with someone??? Mad cool...
    I propose you get your own TV show. It would be much better than SNL

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    1. I appreciate your support, Shanique, but those SNL writers turn out a lot funny material each week. I'm lucky if finish a post.

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  3. I love this post! You had me in hysterics the whole way through. Too bad you won't be getting your Pulitzer for this one. And I love how you end it with the editor's note: "Fox News Lies and Rush Limbaugh is fat." Too perfect.

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    1. What can say, Senator Franken inspired me.

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  4. OOH, a brush with fame AND a house swap...adventurous!

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    1. We love house swapping. It covered 5 of our 7 weeks in France

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  5. ha!! you're smart and funny! too bad about that expanding waistline. ;)

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  6. I liked where you were going in your overactive imagination. And those are still pretty decent bragging rights. I'm sure your friends will be super impressed.

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    1. Well, it could have happened that way. It didn't, but it could have.

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  7. I laughed out loud. I love your sense of humor. You really went there on this one.

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    1. I just follow where the facts. If they lead me astray, so be it.

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  8. I like your version of the story much better! I'm sure he was Owen's "brother"...

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    1. No, I met Owen. He confirmed that he was Al's biological brother.

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  9. So funny! And that's brilliant to trade houses with someone.

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    1. i can't lay claim to any brilliance here. It was Kellie's idea to house swap.

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  10. You've done a great job of making me appreciate Al Franken even more. But them I'm a liberal who knows the difference between Socialism and Communism. Sort of....

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    1. I never followed Al Franken the senator, but I intend to listen to him now. I really enjoy his intelligence and wit.

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  11. I'm assuming the marital aids are with you in your carry on bag. You are very brave to house swap!! ....Franken family photo! Hehehehe!

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    1. Your assumption would be incorrect, and I was punished for it. I should write a post on how we rectified that situation one we got to France.

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  12. Damn. I missed International Croissant Day. I guess I'll have to mark it on my calendar for next year. I can't miss another one! Ooh la la.

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    1. Here they celebrate the day with a huge fireworks display.

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  13. Minnesota obscure? Strike your tongue, Joe. We are a proud and hardy folk, we Stars of the North.

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    1. Wow! Thanks for comment, Cindy. I guess you folks have Internet there too. Who knew?

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  14. What an adventure, I would love to live in Paris for a month or so. How does that work?

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    1. Kellie does all the planning. She uses homelink.org to arrange most of our exchanges.

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  15. Hahaha. I too cannot resist a mystery - especially one involving communists in a foreign country.

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    1. I like solving mysteries too, but it appears that I'm not suited for investigative journalism.

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  16. Hysterical - as always! And I love the disclaimer :)

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    1. I had to include it for legal reasons.

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  17. I like the way you think. These detective skills of yours are sans comparaison, monsieur. Tres hysterique! I believe you have a future in the French Foreign Legion (the perfect complement to your humor writing career).

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    1. That's where Kellie may send me.

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  18. So funny - and what an odd thing to have happen!

    Not really relevant to the point of your post, but I like Oceanside. For the last 4 years we vacationed in Carlsbad, but we didn't make it this year.

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    1. With temperatures above 90 degrees again we're missing Oceanside.

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  19. A house swap! I almost did that once with a friend from Seattle but I think she'd unfriend me after living with mypugs. The Franken mystery is hysterical! And Paris - wow!

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    1. You should swap - houses - it's a great deal.

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  20. Franken fetish is super fun to say! How was the apartment swap? I keep thinking about trying it.

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  21. Love! Love the funny and the house swap and that you think Minnesota is a state. Woo!

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    1. I'm not sure about the Minnesota thing; I should really look it up.

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