Thursday, July 12, 2012

Johnny Depp? Please.


Matthew McConaughey - I get it.
Most of the time I understand why women swoon over certain hunky actors. Matthew McConaughey - I get it. Hugh Jackman, wet (don’t ask me why this is a necessary criteria) - I get  it. But Johnny Depp - I don’t get it. He's always struck me as being a little light on manliness, but women seem to love him. Over 40% of the images in my Facebook news feed are pictures of Mr. Depp. It would appear that a large percentage of the women in my age cohort have contracted a virulent infatuation with Mr. Depp. Kellie is one of the afflicted and her condition has reached an advanced stage.


Hugh Jackman (wet) - I get it.
On the way to my haircut appointment, Kellie asked me if I had heard about Johnny Depp’s split with Vanessa Paradis. I had not. Why would I care? Why would anyone care? Besides, I don’t think it improves her odds of hooking up with him. (He tops her celebrity safe list.) She disagreed, but just in case she can't arrange a tryst with Captain Jack Sparrow, she does have a backup plan.

At Studio 514 (it’s a hair joint, not a Hollywood set), she relayed my hair history to Mike, the stylist, and explained her objectives for the appointment. Just to make sure there were no misunderstandings about what she wanted, she broke out a picture of Mr. Depp.

Johnny Depp - I don't get it.

I tried explaining to her that Mike was licensed to do hair, not plastic surgery. She didn’t hear me and took a seat to oversee the operation. Mike clipped away. When he was done, Kellie stood in front of me, lips pursed, head cocked to one side, trying to decide if Mike achieved the desired result. Kellie was decidedly unsure. Then she placed her hand over my face. "Oh yeah, baby. Now we're talking," she cooed. Hey, I can wear a mask, whatever it takes.
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21 comments:

  1. She must have been a fan of 21 JumpStreet back in the day. Weren't we all ?I'm talking the ladies, not you.

    Good thing she liked your new 'do. What had she done if she hated it???

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    1. Now she wants me back in the gym, said I need to get in shape. Round is a shape.

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    2. And round was the shape I was going for! And I succeeded!

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  2. LOL, I might be the only woman who agrees with you. I don't get Johnny Depp either. Never have. Matthew McConaughey? Bring him!!

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  3. Yes! 21 Jump Street! I don't know if I would like him now if I hadn't fallen in love with him back then, because it's too hard to separate. But he was a handsome, hot man back then.

    Your wife is awesome :)

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  4. I'm with you Joe. Mr. Depp doesn't make any sense to me either. Much like the infatuation of Steven Seagal...how he snagged Kelly LeBrock we will never know.

    My wife is a bit odd when it come to hollywood men. She doesn't swoon for McConaughey or Depp or Jackman. She like Jeffrey Donovan, but only in the suit. She doesn't care for the guy from White Collar. She has an infatuation for Channing Tatum, but isn't sure he needs to take off his clothes. She likes Vin Diesel.

    She continues to like me regardless of my haircut, so I suppose I won't complain.

    WG

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  5. Johnny Depp is eccentric to say the least, my wife isn't all about Channing whatever and Hugh Jackoff, she likes Thor (don't know the actor's name) and Orlando Bloom (as Legolas)....however I am more like Bruce Banner...in the green mode.

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  6. This cracked me up. I have my own little (um, huge, cough cough)thing for Johnny Depp too. My husband has asked me what's so special about him; he's not huge, muscled, or particularly masculine. I can't explain it either, but if I get my chance, I'm totally taking it. :-)

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  7. Hear hear, don't get JD either...and as an actor he seems stuck in the same "oooh, I'm a quirky maladjusted yet somewhat relatable dude" in 95% of his movies. Find a new role, maybe?

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  8. I think women like Johnny Depp because they can exchange makeup tips with him. I mean, have you seen him in Pirates of the Caribbean? Even drag queens were going "oooh gurl, I think you overdid it..."

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  9. My girlfriend and I have a safe list as well. But, I've never understood the infatuation with Depp, either. He's a smooth talker, sure, but he's got a feminine physique.

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  10. The hair is fine, as long as she doesn't start dressing you up in a pirate costume.

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  11. I hope she don't make your prance around a like a fairy pirate!

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  12. I don't mind clean cut Johnny Depp but oily disheveled Depp reminds me that he probably reeks of cigarettes, which he chain smokes.

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  13. I'm a card carrying Depp enthusiast and luckily, The Hubby looks a bit like him. I did the same thing - showed him a photo of Depp and instructed him to go for to the salon of his choosing and procure said haircut. The deed was done. He even has the glasses. I like eccentric, what can I say?

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  14. To me, Johnny Depp is a "white" version of PRINCE - or whatever he calls himself these days. Does not explain the scenario - perhaps makes it worse - and much more pondering.

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  15. So funny! When Grey's Anatomy first came out, my husband's hair was similar to Patrick Dempsey's, but I told him to take a picture with him so that it could REALLY look like Patrick's. After reading this, I see my error--next time I should bring mySELF AND the picture to make sure it is done right! We also have the celebrity "safe" list, though recently we modified it to include ALL celebrities, because really, what are the chances? I even said to my husband the other night, "Maybe we should just make it any REALLY hot person...like RIDICULOUSLY hot.." to which he responded that maybe we should seek counseling.

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    1. I think I also wrote a celebrity safe list post, too, but I can't remember which one at the moment. I'm a little disappointed that this story turned out to be my most popular post. I don't even think it's that good. It just keeps snaring a tiny fraction of the millions that go searching for Johnny Depp every day.

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    2. Women often go for pretty and effeminate men. How about glam rock stars like the late Marc Bolan, or moving on in time there was Boy George! It's the same attraction I think.

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  16. Joe, if it makes you feel any better, I get my biggest page views from Courtney Love and Gollum searches. I didn't think Courtney Love was even remotely relevant at this point. But Gollum...now, HE never goes out of style.

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