Thursday, June 21, 2012

Rock My World

About 430 miles into our 970 mile trek from Gold Beach, Oregon, back to our home in San Diego, we decided to stop for the night. When you wait until midnight to find a room, you pretty much have to take whatever you can get. We found a Motel 6. Too wound up from driving to go to sleep, we sat in bed with our computers on our laps, sipping Smoking Loon cabernet from plastic cups.
Kellie played Bubble Safari (she calls it The Stupid Monkey Game), while I checked my Facebook, Twitter, and email accounts, still frustrated that I could not come up with a good post for my fifty-third birthday. I was going to write about my best prime years being behind me; 53 is a prime number and there are only 9 more prime numbers between 53 and 100. It was a geeky, boring post, and I’m getting bored just explaining it to you.
Kellie was so engrossed in her monkey game that she wasn’t fully aware of what she was saying as she spoke. She responded to my questions like she was talking in her sleep.  She had two conversations going, one with herself about her game and another with me. I decided to quiz her and write down everything she said and use it for a blog post.
Joe: When you were 20, did you ever think that you would have sex with a 53 year-old? 
Kellie: Ew! That’s gross.
Joe: I hope you realize that you’ll never have sex with anyone younger than 53 again unless I croak before your skin turns into old shoe leather.
Kellie: Yeah, I do realize that.
Joe: How does that make you feel?
Kellie: It’s disgusting.
Joe: I’m disgusting?
Kellie: Pretty much.
Joe: Is that any way to say happy birthday to your husband?
Kellie: Oh! sorry, I didn’t realize.  Happy birthday old dude.
Joe: So, what do you plan to give me for my birthday?
Kellie: I don’t know. What do you want? Wait, I know what your want. You want me to rock your world.  
I started laughing; Kellie was too involved in her game to notice.
Kellie: No you don’t you little bastard. Stupid monkey game sucks. Monkey balls! I’m a little bit addicted to this.
Joe: So, when will my world get rocked again?
Kellie: That's a good question.
Joe: Does is have good answer?
Kellie, squinting and hunched over her computer, was furiously pounding her keyboard and ignored my question.
Kellie: Stupid monkey. Errrr. You’re ruining this round. Oh gosh, I’m out of energy. Honey, you should invent one of these addictive Facebook games where you have to buy energy. Then, when I get hooked, I won’t have to pay for it.
Joe: So, when are you going to rock my world, tomorrow, when we get home?
Kellie: I rock your world every day, honey.
Joe: We may not be using with the same definition. What’s your definition of rocking my world?
Kellie: What’s my definition of rocking your world?  Well, I know what your definition is.  
Joe: Okay, so.
Kellie: Hmmm. My definition is...hmmm. 
I sat there waiting for Kellie say to something coherent. Her monkey game was so mentally challenging that she didn’t have sufficient unused brain cells to process our conversation.
Joe: You were saying...
Kellie: Well, basically, I mean you’re a really lucky guy. Hey, are your writing down every thing I say? Seriously.
I didn’t acknowledge her question. She’s was focused on her game and could’t turn away from her screen to see me typing her every word.
Kellie: You have a super hot wife who surprises you every day and makes you go on vacations. Right?
Joe: Yes.
Kellie: Oh! Free FarmVille cash, I have to watch this video.
Joe: You still haven't answered my rocking the world question.
Kellie: I rock your world every day just by my presence.
Joe: Yes, but by my definition?
Kellie: I know your definition. I pretty much rock your world like a porn star every time, at least when we’re on vacation.
Joe: Yes you do, dear, but when will there be a next time?
Kellie: See, that’s the thing – the more often I give it up, the more often you want it. It’s not supposed to work that way. You know what I’m saying?
Joe: Yes, but when?
Kellie: Next time we’re on vacation.
Joe: What! It’s June 21 and our next vacation is not until August 6. 

It looks like I’ll be rocking my own world for a while.
If you’ve been following Living in Kellie’s World and ever wondered why I take so many long vacations with my wife, now you know.


  1. hook a like button in here!!!

  2. There is a FB share button at the bottom of the post.

  3. LOL, still laughing at the "it looks like I'll be rocking my own world for a while"

  4. Heck, that's not even a patrols worth of waiting! After a career in subs you should be an "old hand" at rocking your own world. Up scope!

    1. Yeah, I know, I'm a camel, but I can't let Kellie know.