Saturday, November 3, 2012

If Men Had Boobs, Mammograms Wouldn't Hurt

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Today, IASoupMama shared a blog post about how much she likes visiting her gynecologist for her annual lady parts examination that includes speculums, pap smears, and other fun procedures. She suggests it’s like a day at the spa. However, she’s not looking forward to her first mammogram.  I've never had a mammogram myself, but they don't sound very pleasant. The breast is compressed between two plates until it's about to burst, and then it's shoved into X-ray machine for portraits. (If you have man boobs do you have to get a mammogram? I'm not asking for myself; I have a friend who want's to know.)

For me, my once-a-decade anal scoping is anything butt fun, and I’m eternally grateful that my doctor pumped me full of midazolam, a Men In Black drug that produces amnesia. If I don't remember it then it didn't happen and I'm still a colonoscopy virgin. I’m also thankful that men don’t have to get penisograms. That might hurt. Although, if there ever is a need for such a procedure, I’m certain that discovering a way to make it completely painless would shoot to the top of our nation’s list of medical priorities. And researchers would definitely find a way to make the procedure pleasurable just to ensure that men don’t try to skip their annual penisogram. I'm not even a doctor and I can envision a number of ways to make the penisogram fun. 

5 comments:

  1. Love it, Joe! I'm not looking forward to that procedure either... Glad to be an inspiration!

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  2. Typically, I use the thought of men going through their first prostrate exam to get me through those special lady visits. Sure I know men don't have to get them as often, but they tend to be a bit more offended by the experience.

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  3. Placing any body part between two plates and mashing it flat does not sound like a good medical testing procedure, my wife says it feels like they walk across the room with the plates to take the pics.

    I'd tell your friend that was asking about men with man boobs having to do this is to simply not ask :)

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  4. "Although, if there ever is a need for such a procedure, I’m certain that discovering a way to make it completely painless would shoot to the top of our nation’s list of medical priorities."

    I love that you acknowledge this!

    http://truthfully.ca

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