Tuesday, May 22, 2012

The New Diet

Taking a vacation, and cruising in particular, can be detrimental to one’s physique. I didn’t do too badly on our last trip; I only gained four-tenths of a pound – each day – for 34 days – for a total weight gain of close to 14 pounds, with most of the damage occurring at my waistline. Kellie’s figure suffered a similar fate, and although the exact numbers remain classified, seeing exactly where she packed on the fat is no secret – most of it landed on her ass. We would love to take even longer vacations, but the risk of diabetes is too high. 

We want to shed our new assets quickly, and while we both enjoy vigorous exercise, we have different methods for controlling our caloric intake. Kellie usually has better self control than I do when it comes to limiting what she eats. She’s good at restricting her portion size, and she can resist desserts and other sweets. Her only weakness – chips: Lay’s Potato Chips, Doritos, Fritos, Cheetos, and any other kind of salty or cheesy snacking goodness. When it comes to food, I don’t have the same will power. If there’s food in the house, I will eat it. The only way I can exercise the requisite self-control is by not bringing the crap into our home in the first place. Kellie has always disagreed with my approach, telling me that it’s a personal problem and that nobody was holding a gun to my head and forcing me to eat. Since she does most of the shopping, there are usually all sorts of bad food choices available just screaming at me to binge. 
Now that Kellie has acquired a new layer of lumpy, squishy padding over her derriere, she is coming around to my way of thinking. This morning, I heard my 14-year-old daughter, Kyra, protesting and whining as Kellie explained that we going to eliminate processed foods from our home. From now on, the family would only be consuming grass fed free ranged meats, organic fruits and vegetables, and water.  No exceptions.  Except, of course, for wine, coffee, and chocolate – we’re not barbarians after all.  


  1. Replies
    1. Well, Susan, the first day didn't go too well, but that will the subject for tomorrow's post.

  2. We don't eat processed food in our house. Outside the house, yes. Inside, no.
    Good luck on the diet! ;)

  3. Hahaha! I'm glad to hear you aren't barbarians--I tried to go completely organic a few months ago--did the raw food thing--and organic wine was SUCH a disappointment. After losing ONE pound (after two weeks of this and exercising four times a week), I decided I would rather be fat and drink good wine...

  4. Joe – it’s been a while since I’ve had the chance to delve into the world of my new favorite heroine, but took the luxury of catching up today. To be sure I haven’t missed anything may I recap? You sacrificed at great lengths to take this international journey of a lifetime. Kellie did her part by taking a cruise to rest up for the cruise. You lost her interest to “ship husband”, your luck in your series of everything that could go wrong, your health in fractures and bruises, your physique to the food, countless arguments to the nature of your chromosomes, found yourself charged by the government for your infractions… and all without a decent cup of coffee. Ahh – now I can truly enjoy the agony of my pedestrian life…..

    1. You know, Karen, it didn't seem that terrible until you put it all in one paragraph.