Monday, May 28, 2012

Happy Memorial Day, To Me


Kellie has a long list of chores and other household duties she wants me to attend to today, but I objected. I reminded her that today is Memorial Day, and since I am a retired veteran, she should memorialize me.  “Don’t you have to be dead first?” she inquired. “That can be arranged if you don’t help out a little more around here.”
 
Like many husbands and wives, Kellie and I frequently disagree about the distribution of housework. She always wants me to do more, and I prefer to do none at all. Before I retired from the navy, it was fairly easy to convince Kellie that my share of the domestic duties should be rather minimal, especially since I was often at sea. Even when I was not deployed, I usually worked such long hours that escaping housework was essentially a fait accompli. Now that I’m at home and unemployed (which is how Kellie views my retirement), it is substantially more difficult to rationalize my domesticaphobia.
According to Kellie, before I retired I couldn’t find the laundry room (that’s a gross exaggeration). She also claims that prior to last week I never cleaned a toilet (that’s not an exaggeration). I concede that Kellie does most of the chores that are normally considered housework, but I take care of other matters that she cannot or does not want to do. Still, she often feels that I’m not carrying my share of the burden.
The apparent inequities in the division of labor stems from differences in the types of labor that each of us typically performs. Most household tasks that Kellie normally tends to, I’ll admit, are little more than physical and mental drudgery: doing laundry, going shopping, cleaning bathrooms, paying bills, and doing all sorts of other mind-numbing tedium. These are important tasks, but there is little joy to be derived from performing any of them. On the other hand, most of the duties in my realm tend to be more cerebral in nature: tutoring our youngest daughter; managing our investments; serving as live in technical support for Kellie, which is no small endeavor since she’s electromechanically challenged; and handling any other task that requires research, analysis, or writing. She should recognized that just because I spend the better part of my day in the loft sitting at my computer, wearing only boxer shorts and tee shirt, and seldom getting dressed till after noon, that doesn’t mean that I am not engaged in some productive activity. It’s just much harder to recognize intellectual chores; they can easily be mistaken for wasting time on Facebook.
I’ve only scratched the surface of the housework issue, but a full exposition of the conflict would take more verbiage than anybody really wants to read on a holiday.  For now, the debate continues, unresolved. But since today is Memorial Day, Kellie has relented. “Okay, you don’t have do any housework today, but come tomorrow, you’re going to help me with a few things,” she demanded. “Otherwise, on this day next year, you’ll be memorializing the death of your sex life.”
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23 comments:

  1. Joe,
    Like a banner, that sex thing hangs over your head.....

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  2. Hahahah I love the last line. I tend to side with Kellie, but you should have memorial day off for sure..

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  3. I've decided that I don't need a husband. I need a wife. Since I'm usually sitting in front of the computer in my PJ's until noon on the weekends.

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  4. Haha, the last line is perfection. Husband and I split the household pretty evenly. He does the budget and bill paying since he's a banker and that's his happy place. I do the laundry. He does dishes. And so on and so on. It's been working for 16 years and counting. Agreed though, you should have Memorial Day off ;)

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  5. Bahahah. My hubby doesn't do much housework either. Hes a cop and works lots of stupid shifts and bows out from most of the work. But occasionally I too bemoan how much more I do around the house. Your right I think. Its not so much the work division as the fact that I get all the crappy, stupid, mind numbing work.

    Great post! And your wife is hilarious!

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  6. Love the last line especially! But the rest of this post was fun too. Loved it! Erin

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  7. I hope you enjoyed the day off being memorialized. I suspect you're in for a treat today ;)

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  8. Love it - my husband also works very hard, and it's often "mistaken" by me as him just wasting time on facebook.

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  9. Power struggle, huh? If only we could allow each other the upper hand one day on and one day off. Or some agreed upon period of time. Sounds like you're managing, however, as your post made me smile. Told with humor, gotta love that.

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  10. "domesticaphobia"...I like that.
    Division of labor is important. We each have our strengths and weaknesses. Sadly, one of my strengths has turned into cleaning the bathroom. Sigh...

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    Replies
    1. On of the secrets of not getting asked to do something a second time is to botch your first attempt.

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  11. Like the flag on Memorial Day, your sex life will hang at half mast until noon, and unless you workit out...longer.

    WG
    http://itsmynd.com

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  12. I love this!! It's great to hear your perspective, if my husband was a retired veteran I am very sure that I would NEVER hear the end of it! You are a good husband:)

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  13. "It’s just much harder to recognize intellectual chores; they can easily be mistaken for wasting time on Facebook."

    It all makes sense now. THAT'S what my husband has been doing. It only looks like he's looking at pictures of the new Aston Martin...I need to get in on this whole "intellectual chore" deal.

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    1. Exactly, remember appearances can be deceiving.

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  14. So all husbands sit around in boxers and a tee til noon, not just mine?

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  15. Ha ha, Kelly is a smart woman but I would not punish myself that way.

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  16. Wait, are you saying Facebook isn't a productive use of time? Happy Memorial Day (belated!)!

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    1. It all depends upon what you're trying to produce.

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  17. Haha! It sounds like the boundaries are pretty clear.

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